When I see that he's ringing me I never know which way to answer the phone, "HI Dad!" or Hi, Dad?" I'm a bit reserved for the next question, "How's it going?" That's the big tell sign. Today, was a "Well, I guess it's going". Or something like that. All I can remember is that he didn't say it was going good, okay, or fine.
I learn today that last night my Dad brought my Grandpa to the emergency room. He's not able to keep any food down and this has been going on for about two weeks, sometimes not so bad but lately it's been happening more and more. All this makes Grandpa either scared to eat or he simply doesn't have any desire. This is not a good sign that his anti nasuea medication isn't working anymore. I can't remember if he's going to get a new medication that is sometimes prescribed to cancer patients or he is going to go off that one to try another.
I do remember that the lasix medication is going to be stopped. This is the medication that helps what little kidney function is left. He's home now and there will be another doctor visit tomorrow to discuss medications along with hospice care.
Wait. Think. Wonder. It's hard to be three hours away from family. When can I get there one? Will we be able to pray together? What should we pray about?
My Grandpa is old now, but he still thinks young. He still has things he wants to do. He wants to be baker. He wants to travel. He wants to watch great grandchildren play. He wants to drive. He wants to feel the warm sun on his face. He wants to laugh. He wants to reminisce. He wants to smile. He wants to feel good.
He does not want to die.
I don't know what to say. I keep saying, praying it will make a difference.
Days after I first penned this post I have one thing figured out, I am going to sit with him in a few days.
Thank you dear husband for working extra hard these last days of the week to be home an extra day next week.
The oldest & youngest