She called for my help. Wet everywhere, she missed the toilet. A soft, "sorry" was said from her two year old heart. Did she worry I was going to be frustrated? We have to hurry up, get to school, the fury theme of the morning. Have my past actions or some small word make her tender heart think I was unhappy with her, her mistake? Did she wonder if she just created more work for me? I already have enough to do.
These weren't my thoughts yesterday, or today, when it happened for the second day in a row. My heart melted, like hers, only different. Thankful each days brings new light and joy. I am surprised by the joy in my heart yesterday and today when I cleaned my daughter's mess.
A joy that I could serve Him, right where I am, doing exactly what he asked me to do. Take care of the people entrusted to me, with joy, with gratitude. And suddenly so easy. My burden gone.
Make no mistake, I take care for them these people I've been entrusted to. I cook, clean, launder, drive, read stories, correct, brush teeth, any and all the things a mother does for her children. A wife does for her husband. But somewhere along the way, in the busyness of our life, these things became a job. Each thing became a task to complete, only to get to the one. If everything is a job yet to do, is there joy? A job not a passion, me not serving.
I love them. They are a blessing, a true gift, to which I am most thankful. Yet, sadly, my thanks and my actions weren't one in the same.
By recommendation of my Spiritual Director, I attempted a three day/two night retreat. I left the retreat just prior to the close of the final night, with one full day remaining. The format was uncomfortable for me, I knew it after an hour of being there and struggled through the retreat. There were many aspects that I did enjoy, meeting a new friend, digging deeper into the Pascal Mystery, being in the candlelit Cathedral, and reconciliation.
I wondered if I made the right decision but knew all too well where I needed to be after seeing the joy in my husbands face, the squeal in Sophie's laugh when she heard my voice in the dark of the morning. The big kids were equally as happy but there was something about that squeal of laughter. There were many other reasons I knew it was the right thing, my coming home.
I let go over the next few days, grace surrounding. Grace showing me the way to a happy, joyful heart, here in my home.
Many thanks to the Lord for all my joys, blessings and the Grace the Holy Spirit showers me with.