Saturday, November 3, 2012

Healing & Forgiveness

Sad but true, I had only been to the Sacrament of Reconciliation once prior to my promise
 
{You might wonder how I had the Sacrament of Confirmation?  Me too.  Way back when, did First Reconciliation happened before First Holy Communion?  I could be wrong on all accounts I could have had a Reconciliation twice prior, but I don't think so.  I can remember being a high school student deathly afraid of confessing and huge relief that I didn't have to. }
 
I poured over a small booklet that broke down anything and everything I could have done to offend God and his commands.  I so needed this booklet and a large piece of paper. 
 
We were going to church in the neighboring town at the time, it was the church my husband grew up in, I was way to scared to have our priest hear the pages of my sins so I called the local priest for an appointment.  He was very nice and said to come in after Mass on Thursday night.  At the time I couldn't believe I was going to have my life long confession heard by Fr C.  From the couple of times we'd been to the local church I thought of him as a little intimidating.  He was just so smart and devout, you could just tell and that frightened me.  In the end I think I figured if he could get past all my sins then there would be a chance God would too.  That sounds silly, I know.  
 
It was saddening how offensive I was or am.  I stopped to think of this list, in my heart of hearts I knew I could do better but wasn't.  I wasn't a very faithful servant.  We attended church about 50% of the time.  Rarely met Holy Day Obligations and praying was non-existent unless I needed something.  On the other hand, I still felt a need to belong to church, help in an organization there and I did attend Bible Studies {some Catholic, some not}.  I thought of us as Catholics but not really the best Catholics we could be, after all how could we be if we didn't even go half the time?
 
List in hand, I drove over to church, waited my turn and went to the confessional.  It wasn't at all like you see on tv.  A small wooden partition was pulled out to make an "L" shape alongside the wall of the sanctuary.  Not a private room, but I think there was music playing softly.  That would muffle my sins.  {I can't believe I'm doing this, remember to speak quietly.} 
 
I shook and I cried my way through my laundry list of sin.
 
Fr C was very kind.  Looking back I can say, loving, just like Our Father.  He said a lot to me but I honestly don't remember what exactly he said, except that I didn't feel he judged.  I only remember really feeling forgiven, not by Fr C but by Jesus.   
 
Jesus worked through him. 
 
I was glad to have my Sacrament over and vowed never to have another one like it.  Today, I think it was one of the most beautiful things.  That was the start of my life living as a Catholic, not calling myself a Catholic. 
 
It was only the start.  It took more Reconciliation and spiritual direction to come to fully understand ancient teachings.  I'm work in progress.  Sadly, I'm still a sinner.


October 2011
The Sacrament of Reconciliation has been a place of healing and forgiveness.  I didn't know there would be healing.   I went to the right place.  God is good....

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.  The fervent prayer of a righteous person is very powerful.  ~ James 5:16
 




Joining Suscipio's Moments of Grace

6 comments:

  1. Tina, we're all still sinners and if it weren't for our sins, we wouldn't have a Savior. And thanks be to God for the Saviour.

    I like the new place you're making for yourself here. Thanks for linking up at Suscipio.

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    1. Indeed, many thanks! I'm ever thankful I'm not where I was and glad that I know which way to go.

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  2. I can identify with your feelings. I had a dream a few nights ago that I was in Confession and suddenly lots of people started wandering in to listen in on what I had to say! (gulp) Thank God for HIS MERCY!

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    1. I still get nervous every. single. time. I know better now to not go years and years without getting there. Yes! Thank God for His Mercy!!

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Thanks for making my day!